


Vanilla Twilight

by yesiamsamiam



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mention of Death, Song Inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2038575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesiamsamiam/pseuds/yesiamsamiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles reminisces about what was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vanilla Twilight

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii lovely readers! This is just a one shot I wrote that was inspired by Owl City's Vanilla Twilight. I recommend you listen to the song as you read. Please enjoy! Comment/Kudos/General Signs of Love are much appreciated!
> 
> Happy Reading! Xx

(From Harry’s POV)

My hand tingled under the cold sheets. Our room was black, the only light coming from the stars outside the window. I can tell it going to be one of those night, the nights where I just remember. A drink won’t help, months of failed attempts have taught me that. I try again. I close my eyes and try to feel your arms around me, try to feel the warmth. I try and feel the tickle of your hair on my chest, the pull of your legs on mine and for a fleeting moment I swear I can. But then, its gone. I open my eyes in frustration. A warm breeze fills the empty room, a breeze that tells me summer is coming again. Needing to get out of the bed, I pull the cool sheets from my hot body. I just wish you were here.

I climb out of the bedroom window and perch myself on our roof. I stare at the sky, watching the stars revolve around me. Countless nights spent up here and it all starts flooding back. Remembering the nights spent up here whispering back and forth about nothing. Whispering about me and the boys and the tour and our future. I laugh aloud, remembering the way you giggled when I tickled your sides. The silence is almost comforting tonight with just the stars and the sky and my thoughts. I look down and catch sight of my hands and I lose it, just like that. Knowing that it was your fingers that filled the spaces between them destroyed the little island of peace I had just had. A chocked sob escaped my lips, tears brimming at my eyes. I clench my fingers, wanting you back.

I try to calm myself, feeling the exhaustion weighing heavy on my shoulders. Its been two days since I’ve slept, two nights awake in nostalgia. A breeze floats by, ruffling my hair, and bringing with it, the sweet smell of vanilla, the smell of you. I know I won’t be leaving the roof tonight in hopes of just remembering you. I wish thinking of you didn’t help, but it does. I don’t feel so alone, remembering you. Thoughts of your smile, of your eyes, of your voice waft around me, bringing your presence with them. I don’t feel so alone waist deep in thoughts of you. I don’t feel so alone in the endless world because tonight I have thoughts of you.

I blink to clear the tears from my eyes and then run my fingers underneath them. I blink again, thinking of you. I can’t help but think that for every time I blink tonight, I’ll think of you. My breathing begins to even out; the rush of tears slowly begins to dissipate. Another night thinking of you, thinking of us, thinking of my promise.

I promised on one of your last days that I wouldn’t let this stop me and my dreams. That you not being here wouldn’t hold me back. You made me swear I wouldn’t wallow in depression and that I would move on. I’d like to think I’ve kept this promise to you. I’d like to think I’m living again. For the first time in months I feel alive again, alive with a renewed passion for life. I’ve had to relearn how to live, try to forget how it used to be. But I swear I haven’t forgotten you, and I promised you I never would. Sometimes, like tonight, I know you’re here with me. It’s like I’ve just reached into the past and pulled you here with me; whispered to you in your eternal slumber that I just wished you were here and there you are. 

I can see the black of the night slowly fading to a deep blue, signaling the approach of a new day. I stay out just long enough to see the sun begin to rise, the sky changing again to reveal one of the most beautiful sunrises I have ever seen. The reds and yellows and oranges and pinks fill me with warmth. I know its you, reminding me to keep going, reminding me to remember but to move on, reminding me of the beauty in the world. 

You told me, in one of your last hours, that if I found someone else you wouldn’t be mad. Do you remember what I told you? I told you I would never be able to find someone else and that I wanted you to wait for me, wherever you went. You smiled and said you would and then you feel asleep. You didn’t wake up, but I do. Every day I wake up and face a world that is sometimes sad and lonely but I have a promise to keep, a promise to keep living. So, my love, I will keep living for another day.

I lift my body from the roof and climb back into our room. Our bed is unmade and I plan to keep it that way. I shut the window to our place and promise to return again when I just need to remember. I ready myself for another day. Another day without you but, also another day closer to being with you.


End file.
